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What To Say (and Not Say) When Someone Dies or Suffers a Tragedy

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When someone dies, gets diagnosed with a terminal disease or suffers a tragedy — it can be hard to know what to say. In this video you’ll learn exactly what to say and more importantly, what NOT to say to genuinely comfort and support those you love. Once you’ve watched, be sure to come over to http://www.marieforleo.com/2016/11/words-of-comfort/ where we answer your follow-up questions after the episode. If you enjoyed this video, subscribe to our channel and get the world’s best inspiration, motivation and advice delivered straight to your inbox at http://www.marieforleo.com. And if you’re interested in more episodes on smart advice for sticky situations, check out our YouTube playlist on that exact topic here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB1D05E8C699CBF42. Thanks for watching! FOLLOW ME AT: Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/marieforleo Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/marieforleo Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/marieforleo My YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/marieforleo
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Text Comments (208)
customised party deco (3 days ago)
And spacialy don't say its okayyyyyy 😠😠😠😠😠😡
Rick Postier (19 days ago)
Positive stories that involve your memories of the deceased are very effective, yes. I am not an expert but have paid a certain amount of my attention at funerals I have attended examining the social tendencies in this most dramatic of life events. It's not easy for anyone involved. There are good tips in this video, but the death of a loved one is a difficult mathematical puzzle for the very best, expert anthropologist. Death is just that unknown to us.
NKG BSNL (23 days ago)
Dont say anything let he or she allows to cry as much as can .
Mrs Hansen (24 days ago)
Thank you for the video with lots of wonderful advices, but also on what to say and what not what to say depends on our culture, beliefs/ religion/ spirituality etc
Sue Liberto (1 month ago)
Perfect timing for this post. My friends husband passed away a week ago. I’m glad I’m doing the right things for her.
I don't post (1 month ago)
My best friends grandma is on the verge of death and might have heart cancer and I need tips of the worst strikes
Karma IsAbtch (1 month ago)
One day, I realized the word “JUST”, as what it is: An excuse! It is very overused is not appropriate for anything. (*Why*) because it is short for *justification”. Example, “Officer, I was just trying to get to work on time”. It minimizes the offense. “I’m so sorry, I lost track of the road for a few”. (Or simply, a really strong “sorry”, would be best. Even simply by dropping the “just”, an (adjective) that can be dropped 100% the time, it’s progress. I substituted with the word “SIMPLY”, as I did in my last sentences. (See the difference)? ⬆️
Har Priya (1 month ago)
Praying... The one suffering doesn't have to know but simply praying that may the person find strength and consolation to go on with life this would be of greatest benefit to them... We hardly understand the power of prayer
myopinions46 (1 month ago)
Don't offer to help unless you are going to follow through. That means putting it on your calendar and setting a date to follow through. The last thing someone needs when going through uncertain times is another liar in their life offering to help and unwilling to follow through. Remember you don't need to offer to help or ask if there is anything you can do you can just be there instead.
No Religions (2 months ago)
wafflecream jellybeansss (2 months ago)
This really helped. Since my g grandma died this morning.😞😊
Ryase Na (2 months ago)
...wow, Im always saying 'at least..' Omg I'm so insensitive.. Good video btw!
Love is Forever (2 months ago)
One main thing I learned from my experience from my love ones who lost loved one is DO NOT check up on you love one through text. DO go over to the griever's home and check up on them there because they will most likely ignore texts and phone calls. If you lost a friend just remember that IT IS OKAY to just walk over to the person's home and express what you are feeling to their family or to those who also knew your friend.
AzzErz Z 420 (2 months ago)
My grandpa just passed away 30 mins ago and it feels half of me has been taken away he was such a big part of me I can’t believe this has happened. It may not sound bad to some of you but he meant so much to me
Marie Forleo (2 months ago)
We're so sorry to hear you lost your grandpa. It's wonderful that he was such an important part of your life and we can imagine the deep pain you're feeling. Our hearts are with you as you grieve. - Team Forleo
Friday teresa Teresa (2 months ago)
Is there no one gonna talk about her hair 💞❤️
tina maedche (2 months ago)
My little sister (she was 2) died on Christmas eve...
Marie Forleo (2 months ago)
We're deeply sorry to hear about your loss, Tina. We're sending you wishes for peace and comfort during this incredibly difficult time. - Team Forleo
Rebecca Swafford (2 months ago)
Everyone says the don't bc my best friend just died
Marie Forleo (2 months ago)
We're so sorry to hear you lost your friend, Rebecca. Our hearts are with you during this difficult time. - Team Forleo
Eli Woodard (3 months ago)
This helped with the loss of my 93 year old grand father. thank you I feel better now
Marie Forleo (2 months ago)
We're so sorry to hear that you lost your grandfather, Eli. We can imagine how hard this must feel for you and we're grateful this video was a source of comfort for you in your time of grief. - Team Forleo
/ / (3 months ago)
Give them space,don't pester them about what happened especially if it was an unexpected death and traumatic.They are still trying to process everything themselves and sometimes they may not know anything.
SkeletonCoco 123 (3 months ago)
My friend's mum is really ill. She has a really high chance of dieing. My friend told the year group and they where supportive 1st of all but tonight everything changed. Loads of people told her to shut up and stop talking about her mum. I went back with "guys she's going through a hard time! she needs to talk to someone!". The fight continued until I went after a while " HOW ABOUT WE ALL SHUT UP!? we are all tired and we should just go to sleep. put down our phones and just sleep." Before I did that I told my friend "listen you can tell me anything if you need to talk ok? i'll always be there for you" she went back with "Sorry but I shouldn't tell anyone anything everyone gets too fed up with it" i went back with "i don't you're going through a hard time and i have been there before! it's horrible people being mean and not listening but i will because i know it's really annoying and depressing. i will always listen and i will be there for you!" she said thank you then we said our goodbye's and Merry Christmas Happy New Year. I'm thinking of giving her a couple of days to cool off then talk to her more. Should I or is that a bad idea? Sorry that this is so long.
SkeletonCoco 123 (3 months ago)
Thank you.
Marie Forleo (3 months ago)
We're so sorry to hear your friend's mom is ill and we can understand how scary that must feel for her. It's wonderful that you've been so present for her during this difficult time and that you've offered your support whenever she's ready for it. Everyone processes grief and fear differently but just know your friend's actions aren't a reflection of who you are. This is going to be a long, hard road ahead and she'll be grateful to have you by her side. Keep shining your light and love in the world– it's so needed. This episode from our archives may provide a bit of encouragement for you, as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35eN8T_LG70 - Team Forleo
DRK_ CashFlow (3 months ago)
Friend just broke her pelvis😥😥😥
clarinetist18 (3 months ago)
"I am so sorry. How can I help?" 4:16 Simple, kind, and helpful - thanks!
Oof That’s The Tea Sis (3 months ago)
Thanks for this just this morning my friend told me that his dad died from a heart attack ,and we are only 12. I don’t know how to not make him feel bad. This video helped a lot.
Marie Forleo (3 months ago)
Thanks for stopping by, Carla. We're so sorry to hear that your friend lost his dad and we can imagine how scary that must feel for him. It's wonderful that you're looking for ways to support him– he's lucky to have you in his life during this very difficult time. Sending big hugs from all of us on Team Forleo. - Team Forleo
navnath53 (3 months ago)
Good thx for help. But ur hairs❤️❤️😍😍😍
Harper Jennings (3 months ago)
I can't stop thinking about my uncle Al he died
felicia m. (3 months ago)
Thanks, this helped a lot.
Zylia Vaughn (4 months ago)
This really helped my uncle just passed away and I have to cheer my mom up Thank You So Much 😊
Marie Forleo (4 months ago)
We're so sorry for the loss of your uncle, Zylia. Sending you and your mom our very best wishes for peace and healing during this difficult time. - Team Forleo
Leya Bou-Farah eleve (5 months ago)
My grandma died
A hug helps
2:34 acually sunsine doesnt help with a fire
beth benarie (5 months ago)
please dont fuck my ex boyfriend othrwise ill take the kid
Cosmic CareBear (6 months ago)
Personally after much loss, I can strongly recommend to anyone wondering what to say or not to say to someone suffering so greatly.... the worst thing anyone can ever say, is nothing at all. Its odd that during times of great loss most of us never remeber what anyone says to us anyhow.... but we do remember that they tried to offer some comfort amd support.... and also remember who didnt. It leaves things terribly awkward for both parties. Most helpful things i remember people have said were just inviting me to emote or not imposing an opinion of how my feelings should be. The kindest person of all to anyone greiving is just to be there. Just letting them know that you are there for them for anything or nothing at all. There really are not many words no matter how well intended that can help anyone or heal their wounds or life instantanoisusly so dont take it personally if your offers of support seem unoticed, because if they are its because the hurt is go great for them, it really has nothing to do with how much value or apreciation the greiving person has for you. Never make it about you or try to make them feel guilty for them not being there for you because your cat ran away. Lol just in case youre a person whom really is so shallow.
Marie Forleo (5 months ago)
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective with us - being there for someone else truly is the thing that can have the biggest impact on someone else's grieving process. - Team Forleo
Alyssa Acuna (6 months ago)
I am 12 and a close friend I have who is a year younger lost her father today do to a blood Clout in his brain that popped she is so young and I don’t know how to approach her when I see her I’m getting back from my moms house on Monday and just need to give her a hug, it’s only her second week of middle school and I want the best for her but would never tell her to be strong because I wouldn’t know how that feels I don’t know how it feels to lose somebody so close to me and I want a good future for her and I don’t want her father after death to affect her future/school but I know how hard that would be for her she’s only 11 and I’m scared for her because I want the best for her
creepy bean (7 months ago)
This is for ontroverts/ambiverts like me at the same time. I don't know what to say half the time. When someone died, I just cried and covered my mouth.
Winona Daphne (7 months ago)
this was such a beautifully presented video, thank you
206 LILSH0TGUNN (9 months ago)
My girlfriends sad about X and I’m tryna comfort her
MERP (9 months ago)
This is very helpful!
Batcat g (9 months ago)
My friends dog died ....i loved that dog😭😭😭😭
Meatduck (9 months ago)
That intro was so out of place
Hannah ! (9 months ago)
My best friend brian died and i feel like i could of seen him more he was across the road i could of been there more and now he died i feel i could of done more to be there
Abenoyo Mercy (9 months ago)
Broland Peterson (10 months ago)
My friend just lost his mom
ming sun (10 months ago)
On my husband's funeral , his cousin asked me: so what is your plan now? At that moment, I want to gauge her eyes out.
Karma IsAbtch (1 month ago)
ming sun omg!! Whoa...I give you credit for not socking them in the JAW!! Losing a spouse is at the top of the list of losses (With ones child also on there). Hugs 🤗
The Mind Is Everything (10 months ago)
great vid thanks
Jadelynn Lee (11 months ago)
my dad died
Stray Noodles (11 months ago)
Don't tell someone who's grieving to smile, or "You can come and live with me. I need someone to clean my house!" And yes, someone actually said this to me right after my husband died. And for the record, people who are encouraging you to, "Pull the plug," on a loved one, are more into their own comfort, than what's best for you or your loved one. I am deeply thankful for every lucid moment my husband and I shared while he was in palliative, moments we both would have lost, and our sons, if I had listened to the advice of others.
Дамиан * (11 months ago)
People are starting to think I'm a sociopath this helped...kinda
Xia Ding (11 months ago)
I'm in love with your voice! Really helpful! Thanks!!!!
Savannah Havrilek (11 months ago)
I'm not sure how you guys feel but the best most comforting words someone has said to me when my grandma died was "what was she like" and yeah I cried from think about all the memories but it also made me happy bc of the good times
robyn workman (11 months ago)
I know for a fact that everyone has a out date from this life. I've seen it, wrote it in a drawn picture, an dreamt it. Also seen it in photos from there lives. It's eary to have a precognitive mind sometimes. An it also hurts to know your looked at as a crazy bat for saying anything until after they have left this world on that specific day you either wrote, dreamt, or seen.. so my question is how do you tell a family that a date in fact was set for them to leave this world an that you couldn't do anything about it. Where, an how do you comfort with guilt in your mind knowing you knew or can see in photos what an when this happens?????
Sk123 123 (1 year ago)
This helped me so much thank you
bethelshiloh (1 year ago)
I like this one... share a fondness for the person. "Fred was the most generous person that I knew."
Princess Livonia (1 year ago)
Great video, I just lost 3 of my immediate family in 6 months, these are wonderful words to share, thanks so much
Princess Livonia (1 year ago)
Marie Forleo I'm so happy to have found you♡
Marie Forleo (1 year ago)
We're so sorry to hear about your losses this year Christina. Our hearts are with you, and we're so glad to hear that this video is helping you to cope with your feelings right now. <3 - Team Forleo
Sookie Luo (1 year ago)
What if he is thousands miles away and I can't be there for him
James Bond (1 year ago)
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TrumpFor TheGrave (1 year ago)
Don't try to mask your pain..
Lola (1 year ago)
Just 10 seconds ago my best friend Nan died so I said everything to help her I feel so sorry for her xx 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Seel Channel (1 year ago)
Happend today 😭
Hyperbolic Honeybee (1 year ago)
Thanks for the video. I think it was informative and interesting. Citwd n spoken well.... with no distractions. And maintained objectivity.Im not super big on some of the advice though. In my personal XP with grieving and friends who are grieving at he loss of a very close loved one. I believe that humans can be very unique in the way they experience these sometimes extremely traumatic life events. I just dont believe theres a “dos and dont’s”. Thats like a “do’s and dont’s guide to dating”.... or worse... “A Dream Dictionary”! Because to Snake Charmers and Airline Captains... A Snake in your dreams has the same interpretation? It will just be inaccurate. Thats what friends are for. The rest of this comment is viewer discretion advised: I lost my Gma and Dad a few years ago in close succession. It was my first major losses in my life & they had distinctly different ways of passing. When i got home from out of state after one... i found out an ex-roomate and his daughters mother had recently been having troubles with their newborn baby daughter. After an ER visit the 2nd time she was diagnosed with a rare genetic brain disorder and they were told she wouldn’t develop correctly and not make it passed 2 years. I had been ill thinking about it for weeks. I didn’t know what to say should i see him at any point. I dont believe any of your options for your video would have been efficient... when i accidentally ran into him at a friends house unprepared. I did what you call “the worst thing” by backing out n running away” (not alone of course it was a circle of friends). The next day i cut them a very decent check (sounds even worse! I know!) But... the note with the check said: “Hey (insert here), I want to apologize for leaving abruptly after seeing you yesterday. I hope you dont think I’m not here for you because i didn’t leave under the premiss to hurt anyone. Its just that I was overwhelmed by my feelings about the situation. I felt a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss”... sounded disingenuous and generic. I hope this helps with anything your family might need. I know how expensive life can be. I also donated to your fundraiser so this is yours alone. Please dont thank me, or attempt to pay me back, or tell anyone if you can help it. It really feels like the least i could do. Love n Blessings, Me. ^^^Does that seem wrong?^^^ The mom texted me a thank you anyways and a smiley. I i did the same smiley n left it at that. Their daughter passed about year ago. I still think of how difficult that must have been
GathKingLeppbertI (1 year ago)
Often? Rilly? What is up with you art work? Who? Well duh. Right This is commonsense Tickle them
Like the find the difference if you found the differents commit if you found it
Find the difference 👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻🎃👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻
Lori Orourke (1 year ago)
Thankyou for sharing this topic. I lost my son in june and i still cry everyday. A dont i would offer is 'you have to get out of your room and get back to living' I am not finished grieving. And please "you have been through so much". Believe me i know. Hugs have been the best consolation and feel good from almost everyone. (I really dont want to cry all the time)
Jyoti Sachan (1 year ago)
thanku for this video...it helped and right now I am trying my best to make my long distance friend comfortable and make her feel that I am there for you, its okay to cry, its okay to be sad, when you need a hand to hold, just give me a try...
Gianna Meraz (1 year ago)
My great grandpa died from a heart attack😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Katya LaLonde (1 year ago)
this affects me. when my sisters and i lost our mom in 2015 during a snorkeling accident. mom was only 59 years old when she passed, and so many people at my school were very compassionate. its been 2 years and someone said that its been 2 years, get over it.
Sylvia Findlay (1 year ago)
erikscrtmn777 (1 year ago)
"i feel sorry for you" or "please don't kill yourself" also work fine. or you can try "i just shit my pants right now, do you have any toilet paper?"
Jordan Kamp (1 year ago)
Don't say, "Everything happens for a reason," or, "They're in a better place." These comments sound trite and dismissive, and trivialize a person's loss. Be sincere. Tell them honestly that you're sorry for their loss, and let them be sad and grieve in whatever way they need to. Regularly let them know that you're thinking of them, and show them you care through practical ways like cooking them a meal. Anybody can make a cliched quip that we've all heard a hundred times, but if you take the time to demonstrate your love and compassion for the bereaved, it can mean a world of comfort for them.
Riley Cox (1 year ago)
My best friend lost her mom last week. i am trying my best to comfort her..the thing is she keeps saying "i want my mom" and this hits me hard and i cant say anything to this. like sometimes i say shes always there with u but u know this wont help..so can anyone please tell me what do i reply to her at this situation..i go blank and then she cuts my phone call :(
Kien Quach (1 year ago)
my pet duckling died today ,(
Layla reese (1 year ago)
My best friends dad just died and hour ago. And I just. Don't know
Fatima Habib (1 year ago)
My best friends grandfather...and same here. I am just confused. I mean, I feel horrible but I don not know what to do.
andrew parker (1 year ago)
my memere died back in january 9 of kidney failure. i've cried so much since then.
JBM Kids (2 years ago)
A few months ago I had an abortion. Even though I knew that I had to concentrate on the positive sides of that (look at all the time I now have), I hated it when people told me "Everything happens for a reason". The only things that made me feel a bit better were when somebody would ask "How are you holding up?". Now I feel like I'm mostly ok, but I do find myself wishing somebody would just ask me how I'm dealing, and not only pretend it never happend.
Marie Sultana Robinson (2 years ago)
When I lost my husband 7 years ago, the devastation was horrible. I had the ability to step back, probably because I'm a writer, and see the peculiar, sad and sometimes what could be misconstrued comments, as people stumbling and unable to figure out what to say or do. I remember one woman saying, "if there's anything you need." and I came back with, I could really use a ride here, my car was broken down and it's a long walk to the service station. She looked at me in horror. "It's something you are suppose to say, I wasn't expecting you to come up with something. No one ever comes up with something." As a culture we used to know what to do as a community and individuals when someone was in grief, or had a crisis. We need to learn better ways to cope ourselves, and better ways to ease the grief of others. These are wonderful insights. Thank you, Marie.
Andrew Jennings (2 years ago)
Christians should always be talking about Jesus and showing people how he can give them peace in the midst of trials when you abide in Him. We all should quick to listen but slow to speak. We also should listen to people and ask good questions, and then share the gospel in way that sounds like good news to them. Only people who have ben saved by Jesus will be with Jesus. When that's true then you can remind people that he or she is with Jesus because that is good news and Its encouraging to know that that person is ok.
Sj Oconnor (2 years ago)
Great idea about sending a card! Thank you!
Lisa's Designs (2 years ago)
I lov older women.
EN ROUTE (2 years ago)
Love your outfit great video!
Teressa Canosa (2 years ago)
Awesome job again Marie, such an important yet under-discussed topic. A little tact and personal contact goes such a long way. Thank you so much for the work you're doing!
Krista Goon (2 years ago)
Thank you Marie. I learnt a lot from this episode. I lost my mum last year and I have friends who lost loved ones last year too. I always wasn't sure what to say or do and I now have some ideas. Grateful thanks!
Mariza Mentzou (2 years ago)
Thank you Marie!
Gul Pathfinder (2 years ago)
I've been through enough of these situations to last more than 1 lifetime. Best thing to do is say how you're feeling while adding profanity to increase the intensity of the situation, while at the same time refraining from saying you understand or offering to help. "Shit man. Sorry that happened / sorry you had to go through that / sorry to hear that. That fucking sucks."
Melissa Kitto (2 years ago)
The most helpful thing that someone said to me when my father died was "Celebrate! He's graduated!"
Harry PAnnU ! (2 years ago)
i have to say your hair looks gorgeous in this video !"
Abhinandan Arora (2 years ago)
we should have good discretion and business ethics, we should have good fairness in approach, we should have an ability to communicate effectively orally and in writing, we should have pleasing attitude towards everyone, we should have an ability to interpret and analysing the situations really very well.
Michelle Edwards (2 years ago)
Yes! Thank you for saying, do NOT tell someone a story about someone else's terrible story! I'm not sure why folks think that's okay? I still remembers the scary story someone told me about their friend that was dying of cancer when I just got done telling them that I had breast cancer! Her story gave me nightmares on top of my already high level of stress and worry. Do not, I repeat, Do not tell horrible stories to people with an illness about other people with an illness, unless it's a success story! Please and thank you. We also lost a child. Devastating. So many folks said, "at least you can have another one!" Nope. That doesn't work either.
misha jiii (2 years ago)
thankuuu marie ma'am this had reallyy helped me a lot.............!!!!!!!
Eric Wasserman (2 years ago)
This is really nice. Thanks for doing it. I have lost 3 of my siblings in unrelated accidents and have endured my share of faux pas from well meaning people. My #1 Don't is: never say "you must be getting back to normal." There is no normal anymore. People who experience loss are irrevocably changed by it. It's not always sad but it's not normal. Nor do we necessarily want it to be. My #2 Don't is: never say "were you guys close?" While the answer in my case was "yes" it makes a lot less of a difference than you think. Losing a family member, especially a young one, reverberates through the family in ways that aren't about whether or not you spoke to that person daily, weekly or monthly. My #3 Don't is: don't assume that just because a few weeks or months have passed that we're okay. Life goes on and we have work, family, responsibilities to attend to. That doesn't mean we're not grieving. Please ask, please acknowledge, please don't be afraid to "remind me" of it. As Marie said, we don't need reminding. We're thinking about it all the time whether or not we seem like our old selves.
Bruce Lee (2 years ago)
you look old
James Bond (1 year ago)
Bruce Lee What if I told you; it’s Opposite Day
Ritika Khurana (2 years ago)
Where can we go from here? Something we must remember when we loss a loved one. And as you said remember the good memories and his/her impact. Impact is all what remains of a person. Value that. I have nothing else any better. Great video. Especially tweet. That's why I could say it.
Helô Orsolini (2 years ago)
This is PERFECT. I had câncer in 2012 and I can say this is sooo good that you´re sharing this. For those who suffer from câncer and lost their hair, another thing you deffinetly should not say is: "the important is that you´re alive" or things like that. You´re saying that the loss of the hair is not important and this is sooo anoying. Also, I were told that I could not have kids and people would say: " you can adopt!" like if this just took the sadness away and solved the problem. Also anoying! Thank you Marie! Just to mention: I had 2 beautiful and perfect baby girls in 2014 and 2016 :-)
Eman K (2 years ago)
Thank you soo much Marie for making this video! This is something I definitely struggled with
Jayma Gobrogge (2 years ago)
Twenty-seven years ago I lost my 3 1/2 year old son. When someone losses a child, I never say "I know how you feel". Every situation is different. I actually had someone telling me how their son could have died in a car accident but came out unscathed. I thought seriously, you are comparing your luck with my tragedy. All the suggestions are excellent. Thanks, Jayma
빅키Vicky (2 years ago)
Marie, you have always been my woman crush, and inspired by you, I've done something really brave and shared this one video with the world sharing my life experience growing up as an unhappy girl in South Korea. It's not a conventional story, and you'll be a bit shocked too, but I really want you to be one of the viewers to know that one of your "disciples" has done something really brave and a lot of the courage is owing to you!!!!
빅키Vicky (2 years ago)
So please come check out. :) It involves spirituality as well.
Rice God (2 years ago)
Hi Marie and Marie For-Lovers, Whenever someone loses a loved one, I always share my favorite little article with them. It gives you 8 different insights about the afterlife that you might not have heard before (such as "the first thing that happens is bliss because you're sucked out of your body into a Healing Chamber" and "instead of Judgement Day, there's No Judgement Day). I lost my mom 2 years ago and this story really resonated with me. If you or someone you know is grieving, please pass along this little insight. http://www.sott.net/article/280212-8-things-my-bad-boy-brother-taught-me-about-death With so much Love and Light, -Brenda N.
AllegedlyAlex1 (2 years ago)
I second not saying "be strong." I lost my dad when I was 19 and I got a ton of messages telling me to 'be strong' and 'keep my head up.' I knew it wasn't intentional, but it sounded a lot like "don't cry" and "your overwhelming sadness is making me uncomfortable. Pleas hide it." Again, most people on the giving and receiving end know that these statements aren't meant to cause upset. But I was processing an overwhelming amount of grief and small comments like that just gave me more to process.
Ewi Senna Sannuß (2 years ago)
Thanks a lot for the helpful video, Marie. I think it's difficult to find the right words to say even if you had a similar experience because it's not the same experience under same circumstances with same feelings etc. So it's good to have a video like this making clear what's probably more or less helpful. I was 23 when I lost my father and I didn't like it when people always told me that I was "too young to make such an experience". I don't think that the number of age means a lot and I had the impression they thought that they knew that I couldn't handle this even though I HAD to handle this and I did handle this (well, as I said: You have to, don't you?). Obviously there are people losing beloved ones when they are in their 20s oder much younger and it's not helping to hear "You're making a terrible experience but you shouldn't because you're aged xyz", because this person in fact DOES experience this terrible thing. I was and I am grateful for the years I had together with my father and yes, I wish there had been more years to come but there hadn't been and I accept that knowing the time we had was great and enriching.
bbb888 (2 years ago)
I find that when I ask "How can I help?" they are too devastated and reply "I don't know...." Guess I'm not much help.......
InaviZion Media (2 years ago)
I don't even know what to say to my husband when his mom passed. Thanks for the video
Sardar Ali Shah (2 years ago)
you are so nice girl love you marie

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